CONFLICT MANAGEMENT TRAINING: A GUIDE FOR LEADERS
Navigate Conflict With Confidence
Conflict is inevitable. Whether you're leading a Fortune 500 company or managing a family dynamic, disagreements are a part of life. The problem? Most people meet conflict with fear. They avoid it, explode, or get stuck in a cycle of defensiveness. But here’s the truth:
Conflict isn’t wrong. Conflict is uncomfortable.
Getting comfortable with discomfort will increase your growth and your impact.
But warning! Here’s the hard part: If you’re stepping into conflict to prove you’re “right,” you’re not looking for resolution. You’re looking to win—which is ultimately a losing strategy. So, the question we need to ask ourselves is, How does my approach to conflict honor my core values, strengthen relationships, and enable me to lead at my highest most impactful potential. well?
Instead of engaging in a conflict with the mindset of “I’m right”, engage with the desire to be curious, clear and effective. Shift the “I’m right” mindset to this difficult conversation is a “developmental” conversation. The goal being - we are further developed individually and relationally afterwards. I recently joined Bianca Juarez Olthoff on the We’re Going There podcast to talk about how to have hard conversations with confidence and purpose.
Takeaways:
● Effective conflict resolution requires a mindset shift. Instead of avoiding conflict, learn to recognize it as a tool for growth, innovation, and development.
● Addressing conflict doesn’t have to damage relationships. When leveraged effectively, conflict can actually strengthen our connections. Our approach to conflict is what determines the impact it has on those around us.
● Your early conditioning shapes how you show up in conflict. If you want to change your approach to conflict, it’s essential to understand what’s driving your behavior. Unpacking beliefs ingrained from childhood experiences and societal expectations can empower you to navigate conflict in a way that is both effective and authentic.
● Preparation is key. If you are not grounded before entering a difficult conversation, you may lose sight of what really matters. Identifying and realigning with your values helps bring clarity and confidence.
● Structure helps. The best way to increase your confidence and resilience when handling conflict is to follow a tried and true method. At Boundless & Co., I’ve used the BRAVE framework with countless leaders to help them resolve conflicts in ways that align with their core values.
Don’t let fear of conflict take the driver seat in your life and leadership. Check out our easy to remember framework below. This framework will enable you to leverage conflict as an opportunity for connection, growth, and transformation.
The BRAVE Framework: Your Roadmap for Conflict Resolution
After years of helping leaders navigate high-stakes conflicts that were damaging team dynamics, hindering their ability to lead high-performing teams, and eroding organizational culture, I developed the BRAVE framework. It’s a five-step process designed to help you tackle tough conversations in any setting—from the boardroom to the family dinner table.
B - Believe in Something Bigger Than Yourself
Before stepping into conflict, ground yourself. Why are you addressing this issue? Is it to improve a relationship? To uphold your integrity as a leader? To create a healthier work environment? When you first root yourself in something bigger than your current emotions, you gain clarity and courage. The key is to master your mindset by knowing your “why” before taking on the tension.
Ask Yourself:
● What does this relationship mean to me?
“I feel hurt because it seems like you’re taking more than giving in our friendship. I value healthy, reciprocal relationships and my own worth.”
● What core values are driving me to have this conversation?
“I need to address an employee’s lack of follow through even if it risks them being upset or quitting. As a leader, I’m called to extend both truth and grace while holding my team accountable.”
● Am I prioritizing resolution, or am I just trying to “win”?
“I need to address a family member gossiping about me. I value trust and connection, and avoiding this conversation only builds resentment.”
Knowing your “why” gives you the perspective and purpose you need to stay focused when emotions rise. Even if the conversation doesn’t go as planned, you’ll walk away knowing you stood for what matters.
R - Reframe the Moment
When emotions take over, it’s easy for all of us to get caught up in the moment. Reframe the conflict by zooming out and thinking long term.
Try the 10-10-10 Method:
● In 10 minutes: How will I feel after having this conversation? Relief? Pride? Regret?
When addressing missed deadlines with an employee, they may react defensively in the moment causing me discomfort and stress.
● In 10 months: How will this discussion impact my relationships or goals?
In 10 months, their improved performance could foster increased trust and accountability in our relationship.
● In 10 years: How will this conversation shape a healthier future?
In 10 years, this conversation could contribute to a culture of excellence that leads to strengthened trust and accountability throughout the organization.
Pro Tip: No matter how effectively you handle it, the risks of engaging in conflict are real. But so are the risks of not engaging in conflict and letting a problem go unchecked. You can’t control the outcome of a conversation, only what you bring to it. So if you’re feeling nervous, go back to B and ground yourself in why you’re having this conversation. Then ask yourself, “What if this conversation goes better than I think? What if it strengthens our relationship? What if this conversation brings me one step closer to the leader I want to become?”
Focusing on the positive possibilities can shift your mindset and calm your nerves.
A - Assess with Curiosity (Not Agreement)
This step is tough! This is the hardest of the five steps because it requires the greatest sacrifice, especially when you feel you’ve been wronged. This is the part of the framework where you take time to asses and try and identify the root cause of the intention and not just react to the symptoms of what’s occurring. What’s really going here? Does the issue match the level of conflict that’s taking place? Is this not really about so-and-so and more about an insecurity or a fear? It takes maturity, emotional intelligence, and integrity to show curiosity about someone’s perspective and to acknowledge their thoughts and feelings. When you take the time to assess before speaking you are showcasing strong leadeship by trying to accurately diagnose the root issue instead of simply immedietly reacting. In order to assess effectively you need to take the time to show curiosity for the other’s perspective. Ask questions, seek to understand first.
Note: Acknowledging someone’s views does not mean agreeing with them. Seeking to understand (rather than judge), and listening before talking de-escalates tension and creates space for real conversation. This approach enables you to show maturity by first listening, before telling.
If you’re entering a conflict solely to prove your point, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Even if you’re a leader addressing a team member that is doing something blatantly wrong - always start by seeking to understand their perspective first. Rather than assume you know. To regulate your emotions, breathe deeply, focus on the purpose and north star for the conversation (see the first step of the framework, B), and stay grounded in the fact that you want to come out of this hard conversation and look back on in it proud of yourself (see second step of the framework, R). This will help you stay composed and approach the conversation with an open mind and a focus on truly understanding the other person’s perspective.
Choose Curiosity Over Judgment:
● Lead with Questions: Instead of assuming, ask questions to understand the other person’s perspective.
“I want to understand your perspective. Can you walk me through how you see this?”
● Practice Active Listening: Paraphrase what you hear to validate others’ feelings, even if you disagree. This builds bridges and diffuses tensions.
“I hear you saying ___. Did I get that right?”
● Recognize Self-Protection: Everyone’s response to conflict is shaped by the need to feel safe. Acknowledge this without taking it personally. It’s not all about you!
“Help me understand why this is important to you.”
This approach fosters psychological safety, making it easier to avoid defensiveness and reach a real resolution. Remember - if you’re engaging in conflict just to be “right” you’re not interested in resolution you’re interested in winning. (Check out conflict specialist Amanda Ripley's take on "high conflict" for more on the cost of this approach).
V - Voice Your Needs Clearly and Confidently
Most conflicts fester because people don’t say what they actually need. It’s critical that you are prepared to be direct. Before engaging in a hard conversation, be clear with yourself on what you need the person across from you to change.
“I need you to provide status updates by noon every Friday so I can keep the team aligned.”
“I need us to be honest with each other. If something’s bothering you, I need you to tell me instead of shutting me out.”
Express Your Needs Without Assigning Blame:
Effective communication is direct, but not aggressive. The goal is to speak truth with grace, a statement I often share when coaching clients. Use “I” statements to express your needs without assigning blame.
The Formula: “I feel [emotion] when [specific situation] because [reason]. What I’d like is [solution].”
“I feel hurt when you speak to me dismissively because whether you recognize it our not you are diminishing my value. Please be more aware of how you’re speaking to me and moving forward I will let you know in the moment when you’re doing it..”
“I feel disrespected when my ideas are dismissed without discussion. I’d like us to create space for everyone’s input.”
This approach keeps the focus on solutions, not personal attacks.
E - End with Clarity
Conflict resolution isn’t a one-and-done event. Not every conflict can be resolved in the moment. It’s critical that you know when to walk away. If emotions run too high, take a break and revisit the conversation later. When everyone is ready to move forward, define clear next steps and agree on a follow-up plan to ensure lasting change.
Define Next Steps:
● What boundaries or new expectations need to be set?
“I appreciate our conversation today. From now on we are agreeing to XYZ and we will hold each other accountable by sharing where we’re at in our weekly connects.”
● When will we check in again to ensure progress?
“I’m glad we talked this through. We will reevaluate in 90 days to see how things are going. But know that my door is always open if you have questions along the way.”
● What are the consequences if things don’t change?
“If I don’t see improvement, we’ll need to re-evaluate your role on the team.”
Clarity breeds trust and accountability. Without it, you risk repeating the same conflicts over and over. You also risk damaging your credibility with your team, diluting your influence and ability to problem solve as a leader, and ultimately losing respect as a result.
Common Patterns That Keep Leaders Stuck
Now let’s talk about why we as leaders often get stuck when it comes to conflict. Many leaders avoid conflict because of fear—fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of losing control. As we shared earlier - every time you enter into conflict you do risk. You risk being misunderstood, rejected, inconvenienced further etc. But avoiding conflict doesn’t make it go away. It just makes it worse. It also doesn’t make you a stronger, better more impactful leader. It actually dilutes your power and effectiveness.
Self-awareness is crucial to breaking patterns that limit your impact & potential
To grow as a leader, you need to understand how your upbringing and experiences shaped your approach to conflict. Were you raised in a home where conflict meant yelling? Or one where issues were swept under the rug?
Pro Tip: If you’re having trouble articulating your approach to conflict, reflect on whether you tend to be more of a turtle or a porcupine. I know this sounds odd, but stay with me as I explain. Turtles go inward when stressed. They avoid conflict at all costs, retreating into their shells, minimizing their needs, and silencing their voices as a means of self-protection. Porcupines, in contrast, puff up and deploy their quills, making themselves look larger than they really are. Porcupines come across as aggressive or combative to protect themselves. Need more clarity about your approach to conflict? Partnering with a trained, unbiased Boundless & Co. specialist will help you identify your blind spots and deepen your self-awareness. Turn tension into transformation and invest in yourself and your organization today.
Neither of these extremes are productive for resolving conflicts. Don’t dilute your power to be more palatable (a turtle) or puff yourself up to mask your fear (porcupine). Instead, get comfortable being uncomfortable to build your conflict resilience so you no longer feel the need to hide behind your shell or go on the offensive with sharp quills. Keep it simple, summon your courage, and show up as you.
The key is to recognize your default tendencies
and consciously adjust to respond in healthier,
more productive, and value-aligned ways.
Conflict is a Skill, Not a Crisis
Embracing conflict isn’t about being a fearless leader. It’s about being afraid and acting anyway—a hallmark of authentic leadership. (Learn how you can become a more authentic leader in this blog post.)
Even when we do everything "right" to navigate conflict effectively, the outcome is still unpredictable. An employee might leave. A friend may walk away. A manager may harbor resentment. This underscores the importance of staying deeply connected to your "why"—the core reason you’re engaging in the conflict in the first place (first step in framework B). You control the choices you make before, during, and after a conflict. The outcome is out of your hands.
As leaders, the best way to handle this reality is to invest in developing the necessary skills to manage conflict effectively. When we view conflict as a developmental opportunity, we build stronger, more unified teams that amplify impact by facing tension head-on. In fact, data shows that healthy conflcit in teams actually enhances innovation, creativity, psychological safety and trust! By grounding ourselves, staying curious, and thinking long-term, we can leverage conflict to sharpen our skills, strengthen our trust for one another, and align our actions with our values.
If you’re struggling with conflict resolution in your organization, let’s talk. At Boundless & Co., we help leaders turn tension into transformation. Reach out today. We can’t wait to partner with you.